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Current Projects: Americana Engine (Game Engine Development)

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Heading Into the Unknown

When the walls fell

UPDATE: Update: The question(s) that I was ultimately trying to from the tweet were asked directly on tumblr instead, and was since answered.

Today marks the end of the first week of a new year - 2017. And today marks the end of a major original-content artblog that I was following for 2+ years, as well as the end of an era where the people I knew from college posted on tumblr on a regular basis. It became empty, filled with posts from people who I could care less about. More importantly, it marked the complete end of new OC content from people I knew IRL who I could get ideas from, which took priority over all other things - it's now completely deserted.

I would be better off explaining my relation to Tv and any commentary on internal things as well as any anon asks that I did / did not send off at some point in the future (I had various ideas from 2013 that I could finally get to now), but I will provide a summary here.

Post 2013, the blog helped me make post-college more survivable, though it was on the same level as many other blogs that were active. Three years later, there were substantially more tags that helped me pick up context. I had my own fears once I started to pick up the ask button; it was the first attempt at actually reaching out to someone in this manner and getting to know them better. For the first time, I felt.. connected.

My interests did not quite align, but she was someone out there who I knew irl that I could also understand and relate to. I gained knowledge of things I wouldn't have ever seen, and confidence in some other areas. I knew I couldn't go further, because I wasn't in the right clique to be doing this.

By the second half of 2016 her posts have occupied the majority of my IRL feed; I do like it and read more of the posts there than anything else, but due to the content I have gone to some lengths in order to avoid public knowledge of me actually looking at it (examples include use of RSS only, incognito tabs, even placing her twitter on a separate list (that I check just as often) so it didn't accidentally expose it to others unless I chose to).

The biggest hurdle was an ask indicating that she was someone I've seen irl from college (note the wording, because I only saw her for 3 hours at an event and never talked to her in person), and trying to prove this. Liking posts were okay, but everything stopped when I eventually put down a twitter mention* (which my previous post was about my goal of wanting to draw better and speedpaint, and wanted to set a reference point). I start wondering why all of this happened; was this as a result of me actually trying to open up to her without going anon for the first time? Because I was connected to others from college years ago? Something else? It looks like I will never know for certain, but I do know that there are a lot of factors in play, and I will assume that I was part of that reason and base my future posts accordingly.

For the record, the known IRL part is in this post four years ago.

Moving Forward

I will be heading into the unknown from this point forward.

Moving forward means a combination of keeping myself together and getting into rather uncomfortable situations. I'm in a new place where connections are not determined based on who I knew in college anymore, but based on interests, what groups I join now, what events I attend, and how good I am at speaking up.

My successor for new ideas from here would be /r/images and /r/art categories, some categories on Deviantart, as well as a number of tumblr posts and tag monitoring, but in most cases I wouldn't feel the same way as I did before, knowing I'm interacting with only an online profile and not someone who I have personally met.

Even though I meet new people, I may have trouble finding their blogs and such, as mutual blog connections are few and far between, unlike the people I knew in college.

My art project (which will cover the entire year) will start next week; it will not be an easy one, but it will be rewarding - I have tons of art ideas and am more open to posting a variety of content. Considering my current situation I may find getting into shipping might be useful in some form or another.